What Are Boundaries?

Before we dive into why boundaries are important, examples of them and how to maintain them, it might be helpful to start by defining them. So, what are boundaries?

In essence, they are a limit that people place on others or events (where possible). While there are physical boundaries such as a wall, the aim here is to discuss psychosocial boundaries. Setting boundaries will define to ourselves and others what we find acceptable in a given circumstance.

An important point to consider is that psychosocial boundaries look different by person, culture, situation, type of relationship and more. What’s considered acceptable in one social context may not be considered acceptable in another. 

Why Are Boundaries Important?

Boundaries are important for several reasons. First, setting them allows us to maintain strong relationships by influencing other people’s behaviors. Imagine you’re an addict who experiences alcohol use disorder. If your family enjoys wine with dinner and you feel triggered by their drinking, it might be important to voice your needs. By expressing that you would prefer your family not consume alcohol in front of you, you can prevent feeling triggered and all the emotions that may come with that.

Additionally, strong boundaries can help us have strong emotional health. People who are well versed in their boundaries can often experience less emotional distress in their relationships. That’s because people with healthy boundaries set limits and expecations on what they deem to be appropriate for a specific relationship.

Lastly, having healthy boundaries can allow people to develop a sense of identity. If you think about it, everytime you communicate your needs or expectations, you reinforce certain ideologies that you think are acceptable. If you’re someone who strongly believes in the idea that “early is on time” than you may also believe that your time is valuable. These and so many other examples can help forge peoples identity. 

What Are Some Examples of Boundaries?

Healthy boundaries look different by person but we’ve included some prominent examples below.

  • Communicating your needs, thoughts and feelings in a responsible way
  • Clarifying your expectations up front rather than assume other people know what they are
  • Declining things you don’t want to do
  • Addressing problems in relationships directly rather than passive aggressively or through a 3rd party
  • Being honest and open about your experiences

How To Set And Maintain Boundaries

Now for the difficult part, implementation. When we talk about setting and maintaining boundaries, there’s 4 main components to consider. They are:

  1. Defining
  2. Communicating
  3. Staying simple
  4. Setting consequences

To expand, before you can implement a boundary, you must first recongize what’s important to you. If you lend money to a family member, you must consider whether or not you’re comfortable doing that and then you can proceed to the next step. Communicating your expectations is essential. Simply state your needs and try to not overexplain. Lastly, there’s consequences. Explain to your family member why it’s important they follow the parameters of your loan.

Dealing with people who consistently cross our boundary can be extremely difficult, especially for friends, co-workers or family members. This may cause the nature of your relationship to change but without consequences, boundaries cannot be uphold and they will likely be broken again. For this reasons, it’s imperative that you remain vigil, clear and consistent in your boundary.